Cause she got that one thing and i need that one thing

This post is just for CHAN FANG LING. Yes, it is dedicated to her and it is not going to be some typical dedication whereby the writer will list out all the freaking good points of the person and thank her or what. I want to tell CHAN FANG LING that i love her alot alot and she mean a hell lot to me. okay so, our friendship isn't that smooth going at all actually. We have quarrels here and there, and we drift apart often. But we somehow just got the bond back, it's natural. Once we drift away, we will cant help it but return back to our normal close state again. Yes, we do get fed up with one another due to our flaws. No one is perfect anyway, and this often lead to us having slight conflicts. And this time, we had another one. So we just sort of settle it, and yes. I went to school today and saw a card sticking out from my table. I was smiling throughout the time when i was reading the card, i'm so touched yknw!! It's like, i never expected her to write such a long card for me, just to reassure me about our friendship and stuff yeah. I know this is a typical dramatic scene or whatsoever. But her card really mean alot to me, and i just want to tell her through this blogpost, that she stands a important role in my life, and i dont ever want to lose her no matter how bad our friendship maybe. She makes up a huge part in my life, she... is my listener, she is the one that listen to my updates in life so we can catch up with each other often, i don't know how to put it into words. But i know she got that thing in her that is worth fighting for, fighting for it to keep our friendship. i know her, i understand her, somehow. I can't say i really understand her, but at least i do know how she is like and yeah, all these quarrels to maintain this friendship is.. worth it. it will make our friendship stronger, and better :)
Yes so CHANFANGLING!! IF YOU ARE READING THIS, please remember. PUAHCAILING LOVES YOU HELL LOTS (: , even though we are in the same class but we're not ... yeah, you should know (: but it's alright baby! Everything will be great, you're worth my time. xoxo,

Screw the ones who hurt you.

Went scape yesterday, had a celebration for thinking day (: set up a booth for the flea! Scape was flooded with brownies and guides! HAHA. And i spotted this cute brownie and i asked if i can take a picture of her and she posed until damn qiao for me to take! HAHA! Such a cutie ^^
Anw, chiong back to yishun to meet jodi, geraldine and aurora to do identity. Was suppose to go qihua house today, but decided not to, i need a break :/
Really scared and excited for sec3 camp!!! (:

TO THE BEST OF THE BEST

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FILIAN LEE!

Hi you motherfuckingawesome human!!!! :) LALALA, it's your BIRTHDAY AGAIN. YES :) and this time, this year, you're going to step into a new stage of your life, which is going to be exciting and fun i guess :D But taking a step forward to this world means more challenges for you. But i believe that you can do it MUAHAHAHAH, anyway you will be coming back often! YAY :D if anything happens, just leave me a text or stuff, i know i've been really busy recently and it's long since i really updated you, but just remember that i've not forgotten bout you! SORRY :P HAHAHAHA, hope you enjoy your day at home... -.- ROTTING! This year is going to be great for you, think positive always. (: and stay strong and happy no matter what happens. AND, i wish you can get into your dk what pilot course in TP, and get to know more bout your ambition even more! Years from now, i want to be sitting in you airplane and you'll be the captain! YAY :) rmb my free ticket also okay, i no money buy airplane ticket ah :( sorry sir, HEHEHEH.

Sorry this post took like 40minutes later, because i was out. YES YKNW. yeap, and hope that having me in your life ( okk as a friend k ) has made your life even better, and that you never regretted knowing me :) i might not be your best friend, but hope that you're glad to know me ^^ okay i know you are ;)

HAHA, time flies, like what we always say. And definitely, we've been through alot. But im glad our friendship is still going, and having you in my life is the best okay! CHIN UP DUDE!!!! :D :D :D :D

Yess, wish you the very best in everything you do in your life, i can foresee you having a really great future ahead yeah! Life's gna be great, don't lose hope and LASTLY,

HAPPYBIRTHDAY!!!!! ♥

shop till i don't drop

Went town with Elaine and Hazirah today! Didn't buy much, except for 2necklacs, one ring and a high waist short. pfft, wanted to buy some tops. But nothing catches my eyes at all \: , reallyreally hate it when i come home with so little things. Bugis was okay, as usual, i don't know why but i can never buy much at bugis even though there are so many choices for me to choose. Sighhh -____- , so i at KFC for lunch and dinner and i seriously want to be on diet because my friends say i'm growing fat. But i can't help it \:
Chu xi tml!!! :D byeee <3

LIFE'S GREAT BABE!

LIFE HAS BEEN REALLY HECTIC, WITH MY SCHEDULE PACKED. BUT IT WAS A REALLY FUFILING WEEK :)

Had phototaking session, and half of our class ended up playing small games like, 'chop chilli chop', 'i pass the shoe', 'concentration game' etc! OMG, i swear it was super fun and epic with those slow reactions and us having so much fun playing the games. I'm really glad that our class can clique well together as one even tho it has been 3 weeks only. (YAY!) Definitely having a great time with 3e3, with all our jokes and the awesome peeps! School has been soooooo boring, i swear. and i couldn't keep up with all the topics and tests. I failed my test :( BOOHOO.

'we don't need sec3 camp to be bonded, we already is.'

Moving on, students from sagano high school in japan came to our school for a 3hours exchange programme! omggg, it was fucking awesome ♥ The jap students are so polite and try to understand us even tho there was some communication problems between us. They tried to decipher what singaporeans students and saying even though they really don't understand our chimchim english. Really want to fly to Kyoto right now to find them!!

The boys are super friendly towards girls too! :D tried to start conversations as they look kind of left out and they returned us with really wide smiles and polite answers. -screams- I REALLY WANT A LONGER EXCHANGE WITH THEM. the 3 hours has been GREAT, we had a tour around the school, exchanged name cards, playing games. I reallyreally like the way they always make the effort to let us feel that we're being appreciated. (:

Realized that they are not used to eating spicy food cause they couldn't finish their curry puff and was gulping water! HAHAHAHA, threw them away instead :( sighh, really miss them so much. It was good to get to interact with foreign students when their lifestyle are completely different from ours. Never get bored talking to them! :) LOVE THEM TTM ♥♥♥

ANDDDD, for the event that my two partners and i have been preparing for... CNY CONCERT!!!! :D Was the emcee and i swear my legs feels like jelly when i saw the students streaming in. WALAO EH D: we did screw up, but im really glad that joel was super flexible when it comes to situations like last minute changes to script! really relieved to have him. OHYESSS, and we three has tons of fun during rehearsals, often end up laughing at backstage and hence, not really serious. LMFAO. tried to learn how to shuffle but i end up like some monkey dancing. THAT WAS WHAT VIRESH SAID -____- screw him. AND ELAINE NOSTRILS OPENING SUPER BIG WHEN SINGING! HAHAAHAHAHA, omg! joel and i laughed like some mad person when we saw that. Seriously, this event has left alotalot of memories for me :') it's over like finally, and i really hope we did a good job!! Another experience gained baby! :)

yessss, gained alot of experience throughout this whole week and had soooo much fun despite all the stress and not being able to catch up with my work. It's time to settle down, WHEN IT'S WEEK 3 ALR! HAHAHA, jiayou cailing ;)

HAPPYCHINESENEWYEAR PEEPS!

lazy lazy lazy

HELLOOOOOOO. Long day today, had school(obviously), then chiong to take chinese test and thennnnnn chiong to CCA again! :( After that had dinner @ pastamania with this big clique of mine. And we had fun as usual ;) , even though we always xiasuay ourselves in the public. But aiyaaa, who cares?! :D HAHAHA, really hope to hang out more with them <3 awwwwwww.
Life is @$$&&**(()%@! i really don't want to screw my secondary 3 year up, especially when it is so important. But i just cant get the mood to study/do my homework.
Life has been a disappointment too, but i will get over it and move on with life sooner or later :) and im glad that there are people out there who feel the same as me. (Y) AND TO TSX, cheerup!!!!!!!!!! AIYA, you be our leader okay?! :D You're the best in all our hearts, YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
siao, tml have BMW walk. idk wth is that, but ya -___- have to wake up super early, it is gna be another fun day with my council peeps <3 bye!

Why did we ended up like this ?

Tough week, but i survived. It is only week 1, upper sec life seems so tough.
Keep going cailing , xoxo .

HAPPYNEWYEAR！

HAPPYNEW YEAR PEOPLE ! :D yesterday was a fucking awesome day (: Went SSC teoheng with my cousins and sang for 3hours -faints- we all were so damn tired !! :D But it was really cheap , less than 40dollars for 4person . But the room was kinda small , guess that is why it is sooo cheap huh ;) .
Chiong straight to woodlands for countdown CIP there . Caiwei , Kahjun and I were already late and everyone has started packing goodies bags and hanging banners etc ): . It was really tiring to pack goodies bags non stop for like 2hours or so , and we managed to pack ...... 3000 goodies bags !! YAY :D not counting those others packed on 30th dec . Was assigned for crowd control at games booth and i swear it was a total chaos . Was so damn irritated by some small kids who don't listen to what i'm saying and one even scolded vulgar at me !!! OMFGGG , i want to slap him so badly k . Just rolled my eyes at him , cant stand it .
Danced and party till 1plus with zhiquan , sidharda , Leona , Leon , Viresh , Caiwei , Kahjun and some others :) , WAHHHH WAS SO FUCKING HYPED UP MAN !!!!!!!! All of them really made my day !! Managed to reach home at around 3am , but i was all worth it , for all my friends <3 love them alot k ! :)
And not forgetting my two bestfs , BRENNEN NG AND TAN SI XIAN !!! :D They actually came down to woodlands just because i jokingly told them to come and support me on twitter . AWWW , took a pic , and it turns out really bad . HAHA , but who cares la hor !!! Thanks , <3
Really blessed that i get to spend my new year with all these people i love , (; once again , HAPPYNEWYEAR !!!

It was a terrifying experience .

Life's getting hard , not feeling that good recently . But it still feels good that someone is there for me despite everything that happened . I do not blame anyone for the mental breakdown that happened to me , i just got sick and tired of bottling up everything and laughing all those hurtful comments off like they don't have any effect on me . But they do , i just don't show it out , i just don't want to let people know that i am angry/sad . I'm actually amazed i can hold everything for so long , but i reallyreally hate it when i cry . It just shows that i'm weak , shows that i can't take up challenges and it shows that i'm easily beaten .
But it sucks yknw , when someone jokes till it gets too overboard , and then you realized you have no one that can stand up for you . So in the end , you throw tantrums and your tears are going to flow out any moment but you stopped them just on time . And you hold there for half a day , you go straight to shower once you reached home and all those tears of indignation flows out . YOU WILL FEEL SO ALONE , SO HELPLESS , SO USELESS and that feeling just kills you . It's like a knife stabbing straight into your heart , you hear all the voices in your mind , the flashbacks won't leave your mind . You got so confused between the voices and the splashing of the water on your body . You thought you will feel better after that , but you went to the toilet again , sit on the toilet bowl and cry all over again . I finally know how it really feels like to have a major mental breakdown after two fucking years . Yes , TWO YEARS . Then , you walked out of the toilet like nothing just happened and life goes on . The next day , you will still feel the terrible feeling you experienced , it won't seem to go away . You went out and you see all the fake smiles and you just feel like going home and hide at one corner until you think that everything is alright . You have no idea how the next day is going to be , but you just feel so outcasted by the crowd , the crowd that you once belong to , just because you finally let it all out , just because ... you think that they don't know how you felt . But you cant help but think and think and think . Your mind won't stop at all , it works all day long , all night long . You see your friends hanging out together , but you keep on thinking that they are bad mouthing about you because you had a mental breakdown . Why does it still hurts so much after you cry ? Aren't you suppose to feel better after crying ? ...
Why do i suck so much ? Why can't i just laugh everything off again ? Why can't i just act as if nothing happened , afterall , i did it for two years alr , din i ? Why can't i stop thinking ? Why did this even happened to me ?
Sorry , it might looks like i'm making a big deal out of a small things . But small things do accumulate to big things . Please understand .

Don't stop , keep it moving , put your drinks up !

HELLO ! :D
Sorry for the lack of updates , Hehehehe . Was really busy with stuffs recently , outings homeworks and proposal ): But i still can't finish my homework and school is starting . Pfft , forget it . HAHAHA :D Had class outing , a half-class outing on Thursday and it was jiajing birthday ! :) So we bought a mini cake for him , and sang birthday song at safra , but it was kind of fail coz we couldnt light up the candle . (: But hope that he had fun !

HAPPYBIRTHDAY JIAJING !

Moving on , i went to gagaflea with qianyu and hweesi yesterday :) it is a blogshop flea that is held around bukit pangjang , located in the flat . Was kind of weird , cause i expected more !! but bought a dress and we went cck aftwards and bought a top there ! Love going shopping with qianyu , LMFAO . she always gives good advices !! :) OHYESS , we took a picture with the model of TBS , a blogshop (: ! Hehehe , had fun ytd !

Went ahchan house today with sandra and we decided to bake , turns out okay . Better than the last time , but it is kind of oily \: . ITS OKAY , HAHAHAHA . :D next time will be better ! and sandra gave me a christmas present , thanks so much <3
Going jingyee house tml , YAY :D another rotting session !!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE !

in another life , i will make you stay .

Shall dedicate this post to my beloved sec1s - Robyn , Wenyu , Akasyah and Wenyu .
I has been around half a year since i took up the responsibility of being a PL , and i'm glad and proud of the 4 of them . They have shown me what they are during this EOY camp and i'm proud that they finally speak up , show more initiative and shine in guides after my endless naggings at them during normal trainings . Yes , i have to admit that they are not the few that has alotalot of potential . But their improvements made me realise that i had made a change in their lives , that i'm not useless at all . They keep me going at my worst times ( including lining and hazel ) because i don't want them to be demoralized due to my lousy spirit . I remember pushing this patrol at the beginning in achieving the best patrol , but i realize it's tiring and we're not enjoying it at all . I then send them this very long msg , explained to them that what's most impt is that they learnt and have fun and not being the best patrol . Wenyu has made me so proud during this camp , she was the one encouraging me instead of me encouraging her . She for once , showed initiative and pushed her camp patrol ;) . Isn't that a great improvement ? As for robyn , she gained alot more confidence and dared to speak up . She has a fucking nice voice i swear !!!! Akasyah , still quite reserved but she can talk very loudly can ! :) Priscilla , she dared to speak in front of the whole company now already . OHMY , im so proud of them !! probably you all are thinking im just some naive person who gives a shit about SPEAKING UP . But i've walked with them through this path and THEY'VE GROWN CAN T_T was thinking bout it while untying knots ytd .
It has never been a easy thing to be a PL , and i've never regretted being one though . My tear was worth it ! HAHAHA , did not expect myself to be at all can ): i might not be the best , but at least i've tried . (;
All the best to them , xoxo .

BABY LET'S GO ~

DUN HAVE THE MOOD TO REVIVE THIS BLOG ANYMORE .
Going guides camp tml again , BYE -__________-

HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO :D

I'm back from council camp , IT WAS awesomefunexcitingthrillingfunnycrazyhyper-ish. okay , WHICH COUNCIL CAMP ISNT FUN HUH ? :P had tons of fun there , will update again once the photos are up !! This blogpost will be dedicated to my babeeeee..........

LAU

HWEE

SI

Did i mention how much i love herrr ? IT'S HER BIRTHDAY TODAY AND I'M SO SORRY I COULDN'T CELEBRATE FOR YOU COZ I JUST CAME BACK FROM CAMP ): , reassure , a celebration will be coming up and of coz together with my present and card . Aww . Anw , let's do a flashback on how we met ..... OKAY , girl guides and idk what else anymore . HAHAHA . -fail flashback- Anw , we just got closer la !!! and then we kept on going out together and we're are super close friends nowww !!!! :) And she is the one who keeps on making me laugh for no reason , her face is funny enough . -please scroll up and laugh- ohyesss , and remember how we went through camp challenge together ? How i keep pushing all the diagonal lashes to you like you were my junior instead ? ( excuse me, now my diagonal lash very good alr okay ) How we sat on the bus together and cut twines ? How we eat together ? How we went out and you did those unglam actions ? How we celebrated FangLing's bday ? How you celebrate mine too ? :) and us taking alotalot of photos !!!! YAYYYY :) You've given me so much memories that i want forget also can't la !!!!! ): HEHEHEHE . ♥ DO YKNW WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ? You're super super funny ( duh ) , always there for me , helping me TOO , and then you work hard for what you want , But dun overwork yourself okayyyyyyy :) okay la , i want to stop here . I'm going to leave all the things on my card .

last but not least ,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

It feels like it was just yesterday ;

Going to council camp tml .
Till then , xoxo ♥

And then the cold came , the dark days when fear crept into my mind

Attempted to sneak into a NC16 movie theatre but failed .

It's 11:55pm and i can't sleep , feeling like a total fail after my failed attempt of sneaking so as to watch you are the apple of my eye , which i have been eyeing on before it is even released in Singapore . Feeling so moody right now since i can't get to watch it ...

Having late night chat with my friend , or perhaps close friend . Apparently we are exchanging secrets and complaining about life , HAHA . But at least it keeps me from being bored . YAYYYYYY (;

Feeling abit out of place in guides recently , idk why . Everyone is like meeting up and I'm like #foreveralone which is really pathetic !!!!!!!!! But forget it , bad things don't last after all yeah ? Meeting council peeps for camp identity tml , hope everything goes well . Going to meet my babes aft that !!! :) Really excited . Byeeee !

just be true to who you are

Went marina barrage with 1/4 of the class and we had so much fun alright ;) Met them at mac at 12pm and the scorching hot weather was really a turn-off man , reached marina barrage and everyone was sweating like some shit . So our mood weren't that great . But geraldine and jingyee suggested to go up to the field and everyone agreed. Thank god luck was on our side and the weather became really windy and cloudy ! A lot of people were flying kites and most of them were pretty big groups . It's my first time seeing so many people at marina barrage . HAHAHA . Played frisbee with tristan , jacky , sixian , jingyee , geraldine , ruiming , jeremy while others were playing poker cards . HAHA :) But the frisbee keep going to the opposite direction coz the wind was too strong ): . Jingyee suggested to take jumpshots so we decided to give it a go , and since we had a PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER ( jacky ) with us , so why not ? ;) Who knows we all got addicted to it and we tried taking a successful jumpshot for the group photo , but we kinda failed .

The weather changed afterwards and opposite marina barrage was raining while this part was freaking sunny . OMG T_T it's like the end of the world. Then everyone started running away and we got scared and ran away too . By then , the wind was so strong that the mat we brought was like slapping onto idk whose face when we lifted all the bags that acted as weights. HAHAHA . It was so fucking funny that me and jodi bursted out laughing while RUNNING FOR OUR LIVES T_T And there were 2 wedding couples who went there to take photos but failed !! The moment they reached , it started raining HEAVILY . Pathetic .

Decided to go home afterwards since it was raining (; Really hope to have such awesome outings again soon !! Maybe going out to catch a movie w fangling tml , let's see how it goes !

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ♥